Bull and Rooster arrived back at the barnyard to find it in a uproar. The Queen of Heaven never did her own dirty work. It was Gabriel they saw, the she-angel, brandishing a flaming sword in one hand and a dripping bucket in the other.
Hen and Sow and Ewe faced off against the Heavenly envoy. The three wives, determined to defend Jennyass and her children, stood stoutly in front of the trembling donkey family.
“Shame on you,” Hen cried in full umbrage. “You call yourself Governor of the Cherubim, but I know your type. You’re nothing but a bully.”
Sow said, “Remember your roots, Gabe. You were a carnival fortune-teller before you got cozy with the Virgin.”
Ewe added, “What’s happened to Mary, anyway? She used to be such a salty, down-to-earth sort of girl. I suppose today a manger in an ox-stall wouldn’t be good enough for her.”
Gabriel tried to humor them. “Don’t shoot the messenger,” she said lightly, but their expressions remained hostile. The she-angel held up the pitiful pail. “Look, Jackass committed himself to a vocation. A breach of promise like that is something Heaven takes seriously.”
Hen bobbed her head with fury. “A pox on your vocations! Management doesn’t have a clue about life down here in the trenches, what it takes to keep body and soul together down here.”
“It’s been two millennia,” accused Sow, “since that crowd ventured out of their compound and into the real world where the rest of us have to survive. And when they did, their sorry asses didn’t last but a few years. Once mama’s boy opened his mouth, it was all over. Nasty boy turned informer. Then: Flagellation. Torture. Death by mob decree.”
Ewe added, “Somebody should give Jesus a Darwin Award.”
Gabriel put the bucket down but not the flaming sword. “You’re mixing apples and oranges and throwing in kumquats,” she said. “Who’s your quarrel with, the Virgin or her twins? Or is it their trinity?”
Hen squawked in exasperation. “The Virgin used to BE the trinity! What’s wrong with you females in Heaven, surrendering everything to that demiurge Jehovah? A megalomaniac on his best days!”
Ewe bleated in protest, “Now, dear Hen, you agreed to keep your politics out of this.”
The Cows had been standing rather skittishly on the sidelines, but now they noticed the arrival of their husband.
“Thank goodness you are here!” cried Cow One to Bull.
“Tell Gabriel to go away,” implored Cow Two. “She’s just making things worse.”
Bull opened his mouth to tell Gabriel something about the secular nature of modern farming methods, when the she-angel took advantage of the distraction. Gabriel darted around the ladies.
In one awful thrust, Gabriel smote Jennyass with the flaming sword.
The little asses became motherless.