Blind Man: (various comic antics)
Is the wench gone? Are we safe? Is her Rich Father nigh?
May she marry a pig! May she choke on a pie!
Tom Fool: (sudden shout)
Halt! Not a step! Don’t move, dear master!
At your feet lies a new disaster.
The earth opens up a ditch to Hell.
You’ll break your neck if in you fell.
Blind Man: (freezes in place — of course, there is no hole)
Why and when and what hole is where?
Guide me, Tom Fool, and do not err.
Tom Fool:
To the right five steps, hop on one foot thrice.
Grab your dick and shake it twice.
Now on your knees and suck in your gut.
Tom lowers his pants and waves his bare buttocks in the Blind Man’s face.
This crack is so deep it can swallow you up.
Blind Man: (steps, hops, shakes and crouches, then sniffs)
I smell the devil’s corrupt pit.
Turn me aside that I may escape it.
Tom Fool: (pulls up pants)
Slowly, slowly, creep backward some
Five paces. Now stand. Turn three times around.
Hurry, be quick, as fast as you dare,
Run forward and jump high in the air.
